Dr. Dennis W. Neder - You Have To Learn The Game!

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You Have To Learn The Game!

Hi Doc:

I am seeking an answer to a dilemma. If you call a person you are dating and they don't answer, but you leave a message, and that person doesn't call you back after several attempts is that person wrong; especially after wondering if you still have a relationship?

After a month, I received an answer to my latest e-mail to her. My e-mail told her how much I missed her you and wanted to know if we still have a relationship. Then I made the mistake of spilling my guts about my deep feelings for her in hope that she would reconsider. Her reply was, "I am seeing someone else. He lives close by and he is nice. I hope you find happiness. I don't mean to be blunt, but would like to still remain friends."

When we last saw one another she said she needed time to think things out, but didn't bother telling me she was seeing someone else. I felt like a fool by spilling my guts to her in my e-mail so I replied to her, "Hope your happy...have a nice life"; and worse yet, all of this happened today on my birthday! I felt like crying but didn't. Instead, I got very angry and felt cheated and deceived.

I treated her like gold and this is the thanks I get! I have lost 3 more women to similar circumstances in the past few months. I am 52 years old, divorced, have no kids, and find dating at this age, that women are more selfish, heartless and anything else that defines a "bitch".

Am I wrong? Please give me some guidance to this repeating nightmare. Thanks for your time.

WHAT AM I DOING WRONG???

Hello!

The better question is, "What am I doing RIGHT?" The answer: not much!

I too am sorry to be so blunt, but at 52 you have a lot of education you've missed along the way. You seem to believe that at your age (and the age of the women you date) that you should be past all of the rituals and games. In fact, nothing could be further from the truth. There are very well-defined practices that we all have in our courtship. If you don't follow them, you're going to get dumped for someone that does follow them.

Let's take just a moment and consider why these rituals exist. In most cultures on the planet, men pursue and women select. That's the first rule of the game. However, let's say that you're at a meat counter and you're looking over the steaks for tonight's dinner. Which one do you choose? You probably select the best piece of meat in the best cut you can afford. It's pretty simple.

Let's get past all the romantic fluff and consider that women work this way too when it comes to selecting men. In effect, they select the best man that they can attract. However, what criteria do they use to make this selection? Certainly things like health, stability, financial wherewithal, height, looks, etc. come into play, but most men make the mistake of thinking that these are the most important criteria. In fact, they are not. What's most important is the guy that knows how the game is played and is willing to "do the dance."

Here's a fundamental rule that I talk about in my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II": women don't want to be chased by a man; they want to DO the chasing. In other words, women want to find someone they consider to be stronger than they are in fundamental ways. They want to "date up." You prove yourself to be this guy simply by having the things she's looking for in her partner, AND playing the game.

Here's your challenge however: she's much, much better at this game than you are! She's spent her entire life studying every nuance and subtlety of it while you've (and most every other guy out there) learned very little, if anything. You are coming to this game without an education and expecting to play it as well as she does. That's a sure way to failure!

I suggest that you start changing your way of thinking and get that education under your belt right away. There's no reason why you shouldn't have the woman (or women?) you want. All you need to do is to learn the game and to start playing it. When you're ready to get started, check out my website for much more: http://beingaman.com.

Best regards...

Have a love, dating, relationship, sex or man/woman question? I answer all email. You can write to me at dwneder@beingaman.com for answers. For more information about my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World" (volumes I & II), and other products visit: www.beingaman.com. Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman.

Copyright (c) 2005, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
All rights reserved.